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Be cautious whatever dating site you use. Both for the individuals you may meet online, and for the honesty of the services provided:
The webmaster used this service at one time and it was one of the best commercial sites. I only stopped using it because it then concentrated on the USA/Canada market and I'm in the UK. It did auto-renew membership by default, but this is easily changed. Their staff were good at responding to queries, and hopefully this is still a good site.
Disclosure: This website receives compensation from the above reviewed company. The reviews on this site are the opinions of the webmaster alone and are honest reviews.
This site was started by one of the webmaster's portrait customers, although I've only actually used the site briefly when it was new and largely USA based.
The webmaster has used this site to a small extent in the past, but although I didn't find anyone through it (in the UK), it seems like a good site.
A good site that the webmaster has used, and one of the last free sites specifically for BBWs and admirers.
This has been the best UK site that I've used, having met my current and a previous girl friend here. It's less sophisticated than some sites, but that can be a positive attribute.
The webmaster used this site a few years ago (circa 2001/2) and it was particularly good value. Unfortunately, there are now a lot of profiles that are long out of date, so keep that in mind if you don't get replies from folk on there.
(UK networking and dating).
Big Women (UK based)
cuddlyfreeandsingle.co.uk (UK based)
Curvy Date (UK based)
Fat Dating for Singles - "Fatisbeautiful is an exclusive fat singles dating site meant for plus size singles interested in BBW dating online."
(UK section)
(International -USA based)
The Google ads in the banners below are automated and have not necessarily been reviewed by the webmaster:
Reasons for excluding any particular dating sites includes the following:
- Lack of procedures for dealing with those who abuse the sites and/or other users. Being able to block messages (to prevent harassment) is not sufficient, as repeated trouble-making should result in the culprits being banned from the site.
- Keeping old abandoned profiles with no indication of when they were last active. This encourages users to waste their money and also gives a false impression of how many active users a site has.
- Auto-renewal of membership (via debit/credit cards) either without making this feature clear, or without making it easy to cancel renewals.
- Poorly designed websites, features, etc. Such as difficulty in searching members for specific categories (e.g. non-smokers). Or strange and incompetent arrangements for getting members to pay for the services especially if the procedures are not made clear. Or search results that have pages that "refresh" while navigating, which causes you to miss some profiles. The reaction of website owners to polite suggestions often reveals why their services were so muddled to start with!
- Stealing images from other sites to use on their own site.
- Making it difficult, or impossible, to delete or hide one's profile. A case of once you're in, you're in for life!
- Promoting the same site under a variety of titles and domain names, which may catch out webmasters when doing link exchanges (not realising it may be one of his/her blacklisted sites). It is debatable as to whether or not this is an unscrupulous ploy as it includes schemes for affiliations/associates rather like a franchise. But the differing names may also mislead customers too.
- Unscrupulous and aggressive methods of promotion, especially when a new service is getting established. Unacceptable practices have included: "Spamming" forums that do not permit promotions; posting fake customer recommendations in forums; sending out emails linking to fake profiles; posting links to unrelated things, but with code that causes a pop-up to appear, taking you to their dating site; harassing website owners to promote them; running link exchange campaigns with website owners and then deleting their own links page (or having no internal link to their links page for their customers); having fake members to encourage new users to become paid up members; not letting potential customers know what full membership will cost until after they have set up a profile; mis-leading potential customers about how many local members they have.
These are cautionary tales for anyone using dating websites! Sadly, many very good free BBW sites closed after the commercial services started to cash in on this niche market. The free site owners often have a better understanding/empathy with those ladies and admirers using these services rather than relying upon market research.
Free versus commercial sites
There used to be several very good free dating sites for BBWs and their admirers, but sadly, most closed after the commercial sites discovered the BBW/admirer niche market. The downside of free sites is that trouble makers and other obnoxious people are more likely to join and the non-professional sites are not always good at dealing with trouble. The plus-side of the free BBW/admirer sites was that they were run by people with a genuine knowledge of the niche market, rather than relying on market research.
I've found the most expensive sites to be the least trouble in terms of the other folk encountered, but there are commercial sites that are run unscrupulously. Many insist that you set up a "free" profile before you can look around and see if it is any good. Some then make it very hard to close your account or even to take down your profile. Many of them auto-renew paid membership from your card. Even worse sites have been known to steal profiles from free sites, create fake profiles, or email/post fake recommendations.
It is best to get recommendations from friends that you know and trust. Otherwise, treat every site with caution.
A good way to browse free profiles is to join one of the networking sites. Although there will be plenty of married folk just keeping in touch with friends, you will usually find singles too, and one can learn a lot from searching detailed profiles (often containing blogs).
Spotting the bad guys
I've found online discussions of women listing warning signs in men's profiles which are absolute rubbish! Sadly, innocent men often get condemned and wrongly labelled by some women who've had bad experiences online. The moral of the story is: Don't jump to conclusions about anyone.
A man can't help what he finds attractive in a woman, but he can help how he treats her and talks to her. It's only when you talk or correspond that you really get any reliable warning signs. It's a bad sign if he: Talks about meeting too soon; talks about intimate subjects straight away; asks impertinent questions; won't talk about his family/relatives; tries to make you feel guilty or overly sympathetic for his situation (emotional blackmail is a popular ploy against women with low self-esteems, allowing the men to manipulate women for their own selfishness). Asking for financial help is the most obvious warning sign, so don't fall for ploys that involve handing over money, e.g. Money to help him to travel and meet you, or to deal with some crisis or emergency that he may have made up.
Spotting the bad women
As mentioned above, it is when you start communicating that you get any reliable warning signs of trouble ahead. Points to look out for are women who: Disapprove of your hobbies/interests; think you have character flaws and want to "correct" them; are looking only for material things and financial security, rather than love.
As with men, it is important not to be too quick to 'condem' any lady from her profile or first impressions. At least not over any subtle issues that remind you of previous bad experiences. It is all too easy to mis-learn from experience, and so one needs to remain fairly objective.
The following advice on writing a good profile for dating websites, is only one man's thought's, but I am a veteran of the BBW sites and to a lesser extent the general ones. However, some of my own opinions are echoed by similar advice offered at some of the personals websites themselves.
Firstly, I'll list a few things to avoid, as these are very common, but serious, mistakes by profile writers. Keep in mind at all times that a personal profile at a dating site is supposed to be an advert, intended to attract (hopefully the right person):
Rants
Ranting has no place in a profile, even though it may be tempting after many bad experiences on a personals site. There are very clear-cut reasons why you should not write a rant in a profile. Firstly, the people actually reading the rant will more than likely have had equally bad experiences, and they do not want to hear moans from a complete stranger (ranting should happen between friends or on an appropriate forum). Secondly, the sort of people mentioned in the rants probably don't bother to read profiles properly. Thirdly, a profile should be positive if it is going to attract the right sort of person, and a rant will probably make him/her move quickly onto another profile. So a rant may make your troubles at a site worse. A slight exception to this rule would be a witty, well written, humorous take on bad experiences at dating sites. If you enjoy writing, then this can give an insight into your sense of humour and how you get through these annoying experiences in a cheerful and positive manner. It is best to save such an article for the end of a profile.
"Favourites" lists at dating sites
This is really part of the rants issue mentioned above. There is a widespread (but bizarre!) resentment among the ladies (at least) at dating sites, for men who add them to a "favourites" list, but then do not get in touch. The whole point of a favourites list is so that someone browsing can find profiles again that looked promising, but there are many possible (and obvious) reasons why he might not write. Why should this irritate so many ladies? It does not impact on their lives or infringe on their freedom, or have any other negative effect. I take it as a compliment to be added to such a list, and if that lady never writes, it means she's changed her mind, or found someone more suitable, or some other reason. Who cares?! So don't moan about such nonesense in profiles!
Silly Exclusions
Give some thought as to the types of people you say you definitely don't want to hear from. I often see requests for "idiots" not to reply, which tends to mark out the profile writer as an idiot! After all, how many idiots believe themselves to be idiots?! And assessing idiocy is highly subjective anyway. Requests concerning honesty and liars can also make the profile writer appear foolish. How many liars are going to own up to their lying tendency?! As fools don't always read profiles properly (or just look at the photos), it can be futile to take up valuable profile space trying to tell them not to write, while the nicer and more intelligent readers will be put off by having to read so many negative points.
Subjective Attributes
When describing yourself or the person you seek, don't attach words such as "good" to purely subjective issues. For example, "good sense of humour", "good fashion sense" or "good taste in music" are meaningless unless you give examples of your own taste. Sadly, many people do not grasp that these issues are subjective, and seriously believe their own taste to be the only right one! And asking for someone good looking, handsome, beautiful, etc. really is very silly! One person's view of good looks is another person's view of unattractive.
Normality
One person's view of being "normal" will be another's view of eccentricity. So, avoid writing that you do all the "usual things" or "normal things", or that you are "normal" and/or seek someone "normal". That can come across as arrogant, since one should not hold oneself up as a personality that all others should aspire to! "Normal" could also be interpretted as meaning either hobbies, lifestyles, etc., or else it might refer to having a sound state of mind. Either way, it is pointless to write about it, since a great many readers will consider themselves normal, but may be uncertain what the advertiser is trying to say.
Hobby Lists Too Lengthy
Sometimes it can be a mistake to list too many hobbies/interests. Some people do this in the hope that they may hit upon an interest of the reader, but it may have the reverse effect if there are several interests that don't appeal to the reader. It is better to mention one's main spare time interests and state that you are open to meeting someone with different interests and learning about them (if indeed that is your philosophy?).
Profile Too Long
If your profle text is very long (especially in long paragraphs), the reader may not bother to try reading it all. Remember, the profile is an advert and so the text should be structured. Start with something to get his/her interest. Break it up into paragraphs if the website design permits this. Use bullet-style or numbered lists if appropriate, to make the text easier to read quickly. The reader may be browsing through dozens of profiles and does not want to dwell on any single profile unless it grabs his/her interest. If you still want to add extra information, then this can be added at the end as an appendix to be read by those who have enjoyed reading the main part of the profile.
Clichés
Many profiles look the same because they are full of clichés, often the same ones over and over again. Apart from being irritating when browsing lots of profiles, they can fail to get across just what the person is like, since the phrases are open to interpretation. Clichés such as "laid back", "down to earth", "don't suffer fools gladly", "work hard and play hard", "what you see is what you get", also fail miserably because it makes one's profile blend into many others. It needs to stand out as being individual, since it is after all advertising an individual person, and not some cardboard cut-out pretend person! So write something that describes your character. A party-goer? A quiet, creative type? A world traveller? A lot about yourself comes across in the way you write it rather than actually stating it, such as the type of sense of humour you have.
Annoying the BBW Admirers
For the cuddly ladies advertising in BBW/admirer specific sites, please make sure that the text of your profile is not a copy of what you have been using on the general dating sites. I often see firm statements made about the lady's physique followed by a request for those wanting a thin lady to push off! When written on a BBW/admirer site, that looks pretty silly! Virtually all the men reading will not prefer thin ladies, but they will be irritated by that out of place request. Again, it makes the profile writer look like a fool, when it may just be carelessness. Profile writing should not be hurried. Potentially, they can be very important for your future life.
Long Wish Lists
Unfortunately some website profile pages encourage folk to write out long and unrealistic wish lists about the potential partner that they seek. When a maid told Mae West that she seeked a man who is "tall, handsome and rich", Mae replied that the maid wasn't seeking a man, she was seeking 3 men! Apart from being realistic about who you would like to find, one should not have too many strict criteria because every person is a balance of many qualities, quirks and faults. He/she may fall slightly short of one of your preferences, but compensate by being very good in another aspect. If you set a long list of uncompromising criteria, then you will exclude almost everyone. For the ladies in particular, this can have even worse side effects, as I suspect that these long wish lists encourage some men to lie about themselves, and I'm sure the ladies do not want to find themselves dating a liar! Sometimes criteria appears as a result of past bad experiences, but it is all too easy to over-react to just one or two experiences of a particular 'type' of person, and then generalise about all in that category and exclude them all in the future. Given time, the entire population may end up excluded! A common example is to exclude men/women who are out of work. There are lots of possible reasons for that state of affairs and many people have been in this situation at some time in their lives. It is only fair to hear their story first and then decide what sort of person they are.
Causing offense
When expressing your preferences for a potential boy/girl friend, there is no need to be offensive about those who do not meet your requirements. At BBW sites, this may well be deemed hypocritical, as a number of larger ladies, evidently seeking acceptance, then make remarks about men who are large, thin, short, etc. Thoughtless comments (perhaps made in jest) can even be offensive to people who actually do fit your criteria. For example jokes about false teeth and lost hair, aimed at steering away men who are much older (than the lady advertising), will actually target victims of illness and accidents who may be young and just as worthy of consideration as any other likely prospects. That gives the impression that the lady is thoughtless and/or heartless, when in fact she may just have been careless and hurried in her profile writing.
Keep it logical!
Sometimes I read profiles with statements and requests that make no sense. For example, insisting that replies must only come from men who are taller than the advertiser, but the advertiser has not revealed her height! Or requesting someone who shares the same interests, without actually revealing the advertiser's interests!
Photo captions
I often see photos 'dated' as having been "taken last month", or "taken 3 weeks ago". These are meaningless statements unless the reader has some way of knowing when they were written! If the photos are to be dated at all, then the actual date (or at least the year) that they were taken should be stated. If you look young for your age, it helps to emphasise how recently the photos were taken.
Photos of yourself only!
When dating sites ask you to upload photos, they don't mean pictures of Ely Cathedral, a house, a dog, or a car. They mean a photo of yourself! Amazingly, quite a few people actually display photos of their children, for all the nut-cases browsing the web to see. That is not a wise thing to do, for the children's safety.
And finally... make a positive sounding profile
You may need to include a few negative points, such as certain categories that you will not date at all. But try and make most of the profile sound positive by writing what qualities *do* appeal. If you have gone through some hard times recently, then don't dwell on how bad these experiences were or the effect they've had on you. Not only is that negative sounding, but it may also mark you out as a potential victim for just the sort of person you wish to avoid (control-freaks, parasites, etc.). You don't need to sound conceited about yourself to come across as positive. Just try to be cheerful, optimistic about the future, and include some humour. If you can make the reader smile, then he/she will probably read the whole profile.
Find Love at BBWPersonalsPlus.com!
These two issues might seem like very personal matters, and they are. But, quite a few people make fundamental errors: Criteria and plans used for choosing and meeting a potential life-time partner often have little to do with the real issues that make or break most relationships. Living together for a long time requires not only compatibility, but certain characteristics for getting along with people, being willing to discuss, negotiate calmly, compromise, etc.
Big mistakes can start with the first date, if you are meeting someone found online. Dining out and interrogating your potential partner, is not dissimilar to a formal job interview. Interviews fail miserably because they only establish how good the applicant is at doing interviews. If your date seems impressive at a dinner (1st date) then it might just mean he/she has lots of experience of dinner dates. Or he/she might just have that confident exterior that gives a good first impression. Not that that last point is a bad thing, but it doesn't get down to the issues that make him/her good life-time partner material. Conversely, if your dinner date seems inept, clumbsy, nervous, etc., that has no bearing whatsoever on their potential. It means that the nature of the date, and the feeling of being "put on trial", has led them to give a poor impression of themselves, rather than an enlightening one.
So, a first date should be as relaxing and informal as is possible, for something that needs to happen in a busy public place. Clues as to how he/she would treat a partner in the long term, can come from information about their relatives and former partners. Anger and bitterness might be a bad sign (although not always). If they look after elderly parents, then that shows that they care. Very often, independence is seen is a major virtue, and while that might be true in principle, someone who has lived on their own for a long time, may lack the characteristics needed to live harmoniously with someone. Or else it just makes it hard for you to judge if he/she can cope with living together, unless they live with relatives and get on with them and treat them well.
Another fundamental error in choosing partners, is placing too much emphasis on their subjective tastes in music, fashion, entertainment, etc. It makes sense to have tastes that can get along, and some overlap in favourite shows, or other interests, but one has to be realistic and keep one's priorities in order. If you find a caring, compatible, honest, loving partner, then don't reject them because their taste in music isn't quite the same as yours!
There are some criteria laid down traditionally to the point of being clichés. For example, only accepting a partner who is on a similar financial and career level. It is understandable when someone has had a bad experience of a partner using them as a "meal ticket", but if you exclude everyone at a lower income (or perceived lower career), then you may be missing some gems. Or only seeking someone who has a car, home, successful career, etc. is very superficial and limits one's chances of finding that elusive ideal soul-mate.
Too much emphasis on physical appearance is another cliché, but all too common for both men and women. Going for some preference in looks is perfectly fine, but long wish-lists are ridiculous. Keep wish-lists inside your head, and use more practical criteria in your search. That doesn't mean ignoring looks altogether, because looks can still have some importance. Just keep it realistic. I've seen a great many dating profiles specifying colour of eyes, hair and socks! I kid you not.
And finally, at the risk of insulting your intelligence, I'll give out the routine warnings about first dates: Don't take him/her home on a first date. A possible exception might be for long distance relationships, but only if you've spoken at length, over many months and have been thorough in assessing how trustworthy he/she appears to be. Even then, always let friends/relations know about the first meeting, so they can advise or check up on you for your safety. Meet in a busy public place such as a shopping centre and don't agree to go anywhere more private afterwards. I've heard of bad experiences (for ladies) even when they had a relative with them at home for peace of mind. Build the relationship slowly and don't get swept along too fast. A degree of caution should be applied, but don't go to the opposite extreme and treat each new date as guilty until proven innocent! Keep a balance, and a trustworthy date will respect your caution.
And on a happier note, perseverence can pay off no matter what age you are. Enjoy yourself :)
Flirting/dating tips for
larger ladies and the men who admire them,
out in the off-line real world
Firstly, for the men who are seeking a potential girl friend
An added problem for BBW admirers is that many of the ladies may have self-esteem issues relating to their physique and may have had bad experiences that now make it harder for them to connect with a nice, genuine admirer. The following is a bit simplistic, but it will help to understand these issues if I list a few categories of larger women:
1 - Genuinely confident. A minority of large (even very large) ladies are lucky enough to have real confidence in themselves. This makes them especially attractive to real admirers as they have few self-esteem issues or other worries about how the world perceives them. They tend to be strict about being treated with respect, and those men who are not true admirers, but prey on low self-esteem women, won't last 5 minutes with them!
2 - Confident on the surface. A great many cuddly ladies manage to show a confident looking exterior, and may have strong qualities in their character. Yet underneath, they may have a fragile self-esteem and a delicate heart. No matter how strong and confident they appear, treat them gently and with kindness towards their feelings.
3 - Introverted. Quite a few cuddly ladies look less confident straight away. They avoid eye contact with strangers, perhaps take less care of their appearance, and may be suspicious of a guy who takes an interest. They may have had troubled experiences in relationships, having been treated badly, and they may take a bit of extra time to build up confidence if you get to know such a lady. If you get on well, then it is worth the effort!
4 - Miss Angry. A small minority are so disgusted with their own appearance, that they are aggressive towards admirers. Unless you are a professional counsellor, you would be advised to avoid such a lady, especially if she can't treat you with respect and politeness.
Whether their self-esteems are high or low, and whatever their past experiences, these ladies should be treated largely the same. With respect. The main difference is that more patience is needed for lower self-esteems, and it can take months or years for a lady to feel better about herself. It is up to her to change, but your moral support and admiration will help.
For men who have spotted a lady who they would like to get to know
Many larger women have had experiences of being eyed up by guys that they found to be "creepy". For men who like their girl friends to be extra cuddly, spotting a lady who appeals visually may be a rare event. The danger then is to get over-whelmed with admiration and spend too much time checking out her figure. So, pull yourself together, and look at her eyes and not any body parts. Popular general flirting advice is to hold a glance for a few seconds, but with a larger lady you have to be more cautious. Avoid staring. You can always make a few glances. If you are shy and can't hold eye contact for long, be careful that your eyes don't drop. This might be mistaken for you looking at her chest! That does not go down well. The way that you look at her is very important. Hopefully, your natural expression will give out the right signals, but you can make a conscious effort to be sure that your eyes are wide and "smiling", that your eye-brows are raised a little bit, and that you give at least a hint of a smile. Over-doing the smile might make her think you are mocking, depending on how good her confidence is.
If you have had the opportunity to chat, and had the courage to take it, then be careful what you talk about. Mundane chat about the situation you are in, just as you might talk to any other person, is a good cautious approach that is unlikely to scare the lady away. It will also allow you to gauge her reaction to you and see if she has enough interest to talk some more. Avoid starting a chat with a direct comment about her beauty, as she may just brush you off if you are too forward. In this first chat, don't talk about your BBW admiration and avoid the topic of her physique. Make her feel like you are interested in the person she is. She may work out that you like her appearance by the fact that you are talking to her.
Men dating a cuddly girl friend
It is important to show your girl friend affection when out and about with her. Onlookers are less likely to make negative comments or give rude stares if they can see that she is with a loving boy friend. Give her your full attention and be oblivious to other people. And don't check out any other big ladies you spot! Make sure that you welcome her into your circle of family and friends. Men who seem embarrassed to be with a large lady, do not deserve to share her company, and she deserves to be treated better.
For the ladies who are seeking a potential boy friend
If you hope that a nice guy will make that first move and approach you to talk, then it helps if you feel good about yourself, or at least try to put on an air of confidence. This makes you appear more approachable and more attractive.
If a gent is looking at you, but you are not sure if this is admiration, keep in mind that he might see very few ladies who he is very attracted to (being a BBW/SSBBW admirer), and is a bit "gob-smacked"! That can cross up his body language and facial expressions, so give him a chance to recover his composure and see if he might be a true admirer. It is so easy to miss-understand each other's body language at the initial encounter, for a large lady and an admirer. If he doesn't continue to "creep you out", and seems attractive, then your natural body-language should take over, but a smiling glance or two will help just in case he doesn't pick up on subtle gestures.
If a guy does not keep eye contact for long, he might just be shy. If his eyes drop, don't assume that he is checking out your cleavage! Women who have had countless bad (or just irritating) experiences with men, can sometimes make the mistake of jumping to conclusions over the behaviour of a new guy. Take things slowly and give the poor chap a fair chance to show what he is like.
If you do get chatting, don't be too disappointed if he is a bit inept at expressing his admiration. In this thin obsessed world, men often have trouble explaining their admiration, and ladies often have trouble taking the concept in. If you do receive compliments, accept them politely and assume that they are genuine. They probably are! Rejecting a compliment will cause offense and quite possibly be the beginning of the end of a new relationship.
A lot of full figured ladies are seeking a boy friend who is only interested in her inner qualities and not her appearance. While it has been known for this approach to work, it is very optimistic and limits your chances. More importantly, many plus sized ladies in successful relationships, report that their soul mates loved them for both their inner and outer beauty, and this is usually important for a full and rewarding long-term relationship. Many people claim that looks don't matter at all, but in fact, physical attraction can help to keep a relationship going through any difficult times, as the guy will try harder to make it work well if there is a strong attraction to you. So, while one's inner beauty is most important, the outer attraction helps a lot!
The Bad, the Worse, and the Totally Nuts!
(or Ianardo's online dating memoirs)
1) Ladies have their 'fair' share of bad experiences too, as dating sites do unfortunately attract parasites and other unsavoury characters, male and female. Common complaints about men at these sites include those who ask for a lady's bra size; those who get straight into intimate topics; those who assume ladies are desperate if they are using a dating site. If you are a lady who is new to online dating, then try not to be put off by these idiots. You have to wade through some rubbish before finding the gems.
2) The webmaster has also experienced success via certain sites over the years, although this has involved perseverence. The moral of the story being that you only need to find one good/suitable partner, so the presence of a few loonies does not really matter.
And now for the fun. Names have not been revealed!
The Genius
It must be handy being a genius and I've read a few profiles of ladies claiming high intelligence and their long search for a gent who can match (or almost match) their intellectual level. The funny thing is that their profiles don't provide any evidence of their great gift. The truth is that people who have a very positive gift or characteristic, don't have to tell others about it, because it will be evident.
I once made the mistake of responding to such a smart lady here in the UK. We had a brief correspondence. I was expecting nice long messages with plenty of worthwhile content and well written. What I received were one or two sentence messages, and sometimes asking questions about things I had already told her. After getting frustrated myself, she sent a message claiming that our correspondence was "a one-way street" and that I needed to "communicate"! I replied that her first point was quite accurate. Sensing that she might be unbalanced, I took the precaution of blocking further communication (past experience makes me cautious).
The Devoted Fan
I first encountered this American lady running an online group to try and hook up BBWs and admirers who were serious about relationships and marriage. I left when she and another lady posted some appalling insults about thin men. She then chased me up and appologised, and I accepted and thought that would be the end of the matter. But she kept trying to get me to re-join her group, which I did not do. She then joined the Yahoo group I used to have for my Ianardo art and asked if my portrait was being used without permission on another group. It was and I joined the offending group to request the owner to remove it, only to find that this lady was the owner herself!
She then remained active in my group, posting off-topic items. Rather annoyingly she would refer to me as "bf" (boy-friend) when I had made it clear I had started dating someone. She tried to keep some email correspondence going, but she and I were not well suited, and I still had on my mind her old comments about thin men. On the one hand she seemed to be trying to become my girl friend, ignoring my hints of non-interest. On the other hand she seemed to want a portrait doing, but without the small matter of actually paying for one.
She then went bananas after she read a post by me ranting about dating site experiences and frustrations. In a muddled response, she claimed that I only ever draw large busted women! Er... I draw the women who come to me and commission portraits! And she thought I was refusing to date her for similar aesthetic reasons. Err... I already had a girl friend, and had publicised the fact. The rebuffals from my female fans at the group were hilarious, but can't be repeated here for reasons of strong language!
Give Me a Chance!
On one of the UK dating sites for BBWs (since closed) I came across a seemingly nice lady. In my first message I told her what I do for a living, which was my BBW portrait art. Her reply (the first and only message from her) stated that she is suspicious of any men claiming to be photographers or artists, because she believes that they are only writing to her to get her to model for them! How about giving me the benefit of the doubt, silly lady?! I informed her that I regularly receive offers of modelling, but that anyone who wants a portrait has to pay the artist. And my purpose at the dating site was to find a girl friend. When one has to list statements of the obvious, it says a lot about the lady concerned.
The Non-Art Lover
A very tall cuddly American found via one of the "Tall" dating sites seemed like a lot of fun. Until I introduced her to my line of work (and passionate interest) by showing her this art gallery of my beautiful stylish ladies. Her reply was that "I'm not interested in looking at pics of other women"! Duh! There is a long-winded term often applied to folk who cannot grasp art or creativity, but I prefer to simply call them stupid.
Having A Check-Up
I met one British lady online via a BBW forum, which can be a nice way to meet. We started to email, but only got as far as two or three messages when she tried to do some checking up on me, which actually brought her behaviour into disrepute. She managed to track down my phone number and did a surprise call. I was out, but my late mother answered, and finding a lady with my surname (and a Mrs. too) this lady apparantly concluded that I was really married! Heck, I'd never been engaged let alone married (or lived together as married). She then posted forum messages about guys who are not honest about their situation.
In fact, in those earlier internet days, it was common for some women to create problems by trying to find or expose dishonest men, because they were sometimes making false accusations through their own foolishness.
Don't Forget to Write
My biggest pet-hate with dating site experiences is getting no replies to messages even if it's free to reply. The vast majority of ladies I contacted never replied, including all of those whose profiles stated that they would reply to every message. Sometimes excuses are published for this type of bad manners, but all are quite lame. I was once accused of not replying to someone, even though I had. As email can very occasionally go astray, it makes it all the more frustrating if one does not know for sure if someone received a message. The same problem applies to those who start a correspondence, but then stop replying suddenly without a "goodbye" or explanation.
One UK lady who suddenly stopped replying, got my interest again later at another site. Her second profile had a rant in it about men who suddenly "just stop writing"! I caught up with her later at a third site where I reminded her that we had crossed paths before, which prompted another lame excuse. More amusing was her request for basic information about me, even though she only had to press the link to my profile to read it - and should have done so before replying. In fact she checked my profile after replying and then stopped writing again! Talk about hypocrasy? For good measure, I found a fourth profile of hers which was rather offensive to men like myself who have to wear a false tooth due to an accident. That made it easier for me to write a tongue-in-cheek message politely ending our corresondence (such as it was), emphasising that I'm not one of those chaps who "just stops writing"! Her response was that she'd been let down by me. Whatever you say, young lady!
Too Much Information
I came across a profile which suggested that the lady was nice, caring and intelligent, except that one of her favourite journalist/writers happened to be one of my most hated. However, one should not reject a potential soul-mate on such grounds, and I decided to write and learn more about her. She replied, but her message opened with a harsh statement about how rude men are on the dating site. I thought how rude she was to put that rant in my face as an opening line! Not a good start. My hopes faded, but to give her a fair chance, I applied my "too much information" technique. That is where I provide more in-depth facts about myself and my interests than I would normally do within just the first couple of messages. My hobbies tend to be unusual/quirky, and sometimes put off those with closed minds. My reasoning to this approach was that if she's as bad as I suspected, then it would put her off from writing any more (and good riddance), but if she was not put off, then it would show that she was a better person than I had thought at first. Not surprisingly, she never wrote back again.
There's Something Wrong with Everyone... Except Her
Back in 2002 I found a potential lady friend in my own county here in the UK. Sadly things did not get off to a good start. While I was getting interested in size-acceptance and all the online fun surrounding BBWs and their admirers online, she had very different views. She frowned upon larger ladies who wear tight fitting clothes. What business is it of hers what other ladies wish to wear? This lady herself wore very baggy clothing. There's a distinction here between "baggy" and clothes that are loose, but flowing and stylish. Of course, that is her business what she wears, but real impertinence to moan about other ladies' preferences. That impertinent attitude then prevailed into what she thought of me. She considered my home-body and not-so-sociable lifestyle to be a character flaw, and considered it her duty to correct my 'faults'!
Sadly, there are a few ladies around who think it is their duty to make men into better people. It is quite arrogant of them to think they know what's best, and stupid of them not to see how being different is perfectly acceptable. Maybe it is prejudice and lack of tolerance, which shows that it is they who have the character flaws. Getting back to the local lady, I also (as always) asked her to look at my BBW art gallery. After all it is my business and passion and I also like to find a lady who has a feel for creativity. I had to prompt her later for any kind of feedback on visiting my gallery. Eventually she said, of my portraits: "There are a lot of them"!!! I realise she was being tactful and not saying that she did not like or approve of my art. I don't waste my time discussing matters with those who can't grasp creativity.
The Joke's on Me, but not You
An American lady had written a very witty profile including a list of daft things that men say on their profiles. We had an entertaining correspondence for a few weeks, but she was getting increasingly bossy and bad-tempered if I did not follow her advice. Unfortunately she was getting facts about my life muddled so her "orders" were mis-informed, apart from the obvious impertinence of a new friend interfering. I then wrote a tongue-in-cheek list of daft things women write in their profiles, which was inspired by her own profile comments. She took it to be a serious moan and went nuts! So I gave her an equally good telling off, and forbade her from writing again. Geez, I don't tolerate that from strangers let alone friends!
The Law is on Her Side
A local-ish UK lady provided a fairly pleasant few weeks of emailing, having found her on one of the old free BBW dating sites. At least the messages started off as pleasant. Then she rather apprehensively revealed that her profession was a magistrate, and expressed a worry that I might run away, put off by this. I had no problem with her profession. I did develop a problem with her behaviour as soon as she had revealed this part of her life. She went on and on about how wonderful she is at her job and all the special skills she has for it. Apart from being irritating, folk who go overboard with claims of being great at their jobs, are often among the worst. It is easy to understand why this is so. Anyone who thinks that they are very good at something, is less likely to learn and improve, and thus will never become good. It is an attitude problem.
Not that there is anything wrong with some pride in one's work. I might have tolerated all the self-praise if she had treated me with more respect. What I experienced from that point onwards, was a constant "point scoring" exercise. Always trying to be one-up on the other person. That means putting me down. In this particular case, she was frequently trying to say that I had put my foot in my mouth, when I was writing about my life experiences. Simple facts. She was also the first (and still the only) person to find ammusement in one of my worst life experiences from many years ago. I was relieved when she stopped writing, but was always concerned that someone like this could have a job of such authority.
And Finally...
Just to show that my experiences have not all been negative, I have actually got to know, and sometimes to meet, some really lovely and charming ladies. These are both American and British. Some have remained as supportive email friends and fans of my art. Some have been girl friends who I have dated and enjoyed their company. At the time of writing (July 2011), I have a steady girl friend met online, who I have known for a year so far, and she is exceptionally lovely, caring, accepting and stunningly beautiful! She is as amused and amazed as I am when seeing the silliest wishlists to be found among women's profiles. E.g. Requests for no-one who wears white socks; uniformed men only; no-one over-weight.... or skinny; blue eyes only; no false teeth/limbs/hair. I'm so lucky to have found a lady infinitely more compassionate (and sensible) than the writers of those daft profiles!
More pages of interest for full figured ladies:
What Causes Many Ladies to be Large?
Fitness Tips for Extra Cuddly Ladies
Random Rants about size acceptance issues
FAQ for this website
About this website
Return to Ianardo's BBW Art Gallery
Affiliate Schemes - off-topic, but related to this website.
Return to the Articles Index
Return to the main Links page.
